boring thursdays.

Thanks to streaming porn I no longer have 200+ videos clogging up my computer. I take my victories where I can get ‘em.

Also, girls watching porn is apparently a strange phenomenon. This was confirmed at lunch today when I went off about the poor lighting in this one video that I was excited about because if I’m waiting twelve minutes for the damn thing to download I want to be able to see what’s going on. All I got were blank stares.

This also happened when I showed them a print out of two vibrators that I couldn’t decide between.

I truly wonder why my friends keep me around.

Dick.

One of the nicest things Ryan has ever done was invite me to Bonnaroo this summer. A friend of his family’s offered him a few tickets and he immediately asked if I wanted to go. Of course, I said yes. Alcohol, drugs, and mud? I definitely wouldn’t have missed it.

This was months ago. He knows I’m shamelessly excited about it, but I should’ve known that it’d all go to shit. Long, dumb, story short he saw his ex-girlfriend over spring break and now he’s not sure if he should give the ticket to me or her.

If his roommates weren’t standing just outside the door I would have exploded. I stormed out instead and because I’m currently riding the red wave, I cried like a little girl in my room. In true movie fashion, my friends came over with cookies and mercilessly made fun of him.

The last six weeks of school don’t look promising. It’s going to be a long time before I get laid again.

whine, whine, whine.

PMS hits me in the most stereotypical way - four days of crying fits and an increase in my bitchiness level (an 8 to a 9). At college I spare everyone by turning off my phone and locking myself in my room, but at home there’s no escape from my siblings.

I’ve all ready yelled at my sister for not asking if I wanted a PB&J sandwich and started weeping when my 2 year old niece whispered “I lub you.” I’m so sick of myself. I’ve considered taking testoterone and getting a phalloplasty.

Unfortunately, this parade of erratic hormones lasts for three, long days and then Auntie Flo will come and use my ovaries as speed bags.

I also need to get laid.

obviously he’s confused.

Things Michael Has Said Since The “Incident”

1. Don’t be regretful, but don’t look too far into it.

2. So, tell me, how do you think I should feel about what happened?

3. I did it because you’re amazing and awesome and I like you so much.

4. We should probably just do it again, right? Because the tension’s back.

5. Listen, I need you to help me with my in-text citations, and if you’d like, I could help you take off that skirt.

inevitable.

“Is this going to change our friendship?” He asked as I started unbuttoning his pants.

I rolled my eyes. “Of course it will, Michael,” I said. “With all this tension out of the way we can finally be friends.”

With that we resumed our drunken hook-up, both of us pretending that my explanation justified the mistake we were making. The next morning my hair was mushed to one side and I had drooled on his shoulder. I tried to sneak out but he caught me and pulled me back onto his chest.

“This totally changed everything, didn’t it?” I just nodded and told him I’d see him down at brunch.