Archive for the 'life issues' Category

boring thursdays.

April 3, 2008

Thanks to streaming porn I no longer have 200+ videos clogging up my computer. I take my victories where I can get ‘em.

Also, girls watching porn is apparently a strange phenomenon. This was confirmed at lunch today when I went off about the poor lighting in this one video that I was excited about because if I’m waiting twelve minutes for the damn thing to download I want to be able to see what’s going on. All I got were blank stares.

This also happened when I showed them a print out of two vibrators that I couldn’t decide between.

I truly wonder why my friends keep me around.

home is where the wars start.

March 12, 2008

Growing up my siblings and I forced each other to grow some tough skin. Our nicknames were pretty cruel; my favorite was Man in a Dress for my tomboy sister. Our fights were vicious, too, most resulting in broken skin or bruised egos.

Since we were all adopted none of us looked similar – I mean, I’m black with some Swedish in me, my youngest sister is straight up black, my other sister is a black and white, my other sister is black and Indian, my older brother is just plain, ol’ black, Man in a Dress is black and Egyptian, my older brother is Italian, and my oldest brother was Hispanic.

Aren’t we fucking colorful?

Sometimes we’d compare how much our ancestors had suffered in order to get first dibs on the computer. Unfortunately, slavery is a trump card and we didn’t have any Jews.

While we were little assholes to one another I doubt any of us could have emotionally survived the blatant homophobia thrown at our parents. If some dumbass on the bus turned around and asked me how I could handle having lezzies for parents, he’d have boxes of chocolate milk dumped on him by lunch, compliments of my sisters.

And when we came forward with my older brother, who was seven at the time, having AIDS we’d all walk through the school halls, hand in hand while mothers were pulling their children from our classes.

I’m thinking of this because spring break is coming and I will probably get into arguments with all of my siblings. But thankfully we’ve all been fitted with some pretty tough armor.

The only time things really get heated is when one of my sisters and I are deciding who has the “good hair.”

(Obviously, I do.)

marriage is lame.

March 5, 2008
I never want to get married. In order to ward off the question of “WHY DON’T YOU WANT TO HAVE A WEDDING??” I make things uncomfortable by saying I won’t take that vow until my mothers are allowed to, which is somewhat true. In reality, I think being with a lover for a long time, I’m talkin’ decades, like Goldie Hawn and Kurt Russell, is more romantic.
To me, longevity proves love not a spectacle in front of other people.
My close friends give me the crazy eyes every time I talk about this. “What is wrong you?!” they usually exclaim. I swear, it’s as if I told them I’m going to pack up my things and live on the fringes of society, sustaining myself on squirrel meat and questionable berries. No. I just want a life-partner.
My moms have done it and they turned out fine. Well, actually, they adopted eight kids, but we like to attribute that to sainthood and not an act of insanity; although, they sometimes question their decision whenever they look at their bank accounts and realize that family trips to Florida are now over.
I’m also very aware that I could be eating my words in a couple years if I find my soulmate or some shit. Don’t hate me.