Dick.

One of the nicest things Ryan has ever done was invite me to Bonnaroo this summer. A friend of his family’s offered him a few tickets and he immediately asked if I wanted to go. Of course, I said yes. Alcohol, drugs, and mud? I definitely wouldn’t have missed it.

This was months ago. He knows I’m shamelessly excited about it, but I should’ve known that it’d all go to shit. Long, dumb, story short he saw his ex-girlfriend over spring break and now he’s not sure if he should give the ticket to me or her.

If his roommates weren’t standing just outside the door I would have exploded. I stormed out instead and because I’m currently riding the red wave, I cried like a little girl in my room. In true movie fashion, my friends came over with cookies and mercilessly made fun of him.

The last six weeks of school don’t look promising. It’s going to be a long time before I get laid again.

i’m an immoral person.

My RA’s best friend is determined to kill me by irritation. I call him, Dil, and he is the biggest nerd I’ve seen since I’ve been here. That’s saying a lot considering this is New England also known as the four year stomping ground of every nerd in the country.

But Dil especially. He plays World of Warcraft to calm his nerves and tries to prove theorems just because he’s bored. What I’m purposefully forgetting to tell you is that I am attracted to brains. If you have a big one, I’ll want you more. Size matters to me.

So, Dil is grating. He calls me out on my sass or gives it right back to me like a minority from the ghetto. Our arguments can get so heated that I just wait for him to start taking out his earrings and pulling back his weave so we can cat scratch each other (oh, high school hallways. I was never a fighter - I was too much of an “oreo,” but those violent displays of girly pettiness never failed to entertain).

What I’m purposefully forgetting to tell you is that anyone who doesn’t let me get away with being sarcastic instantly becomes sexier.

I guess this is the classic story of GIRL MEETS BOY –> GIRL WANTS TO KILL BOY –> GIRL CORNERS BOY IN THE HALLWAY AND MAKES OUT WITH HIM WHILE FEIGNING DRUNKENNESS SO THEN SHE WON’T HAVE TO TALK ABOUT IT THE NEXT MORNING.

Question: Is Screech a nerd, dork, or geek? The answer to this will show me the meaning of life.

he’s one strike away from being viciously maimed.

Michael is an unreliable friend. I asked him at 4 in the afternoon yesterday if he could read over my piece for my writing workshop. He said “Sure!” and then proceeded to simply forget his promise until I texted him with “you suck. g’night” seven hours later. He wrote back vowing that he’d catch me tomorrow but it’s too late now, it’s all ready turned in. This may be trivial but he’s done this on a much grander scale.

When we were friends-with-benefits who kinda, sorta wished we were truly dating (complicated situation) I was the initiator of any interaction. I called, I texted, I knocked on his door. His excuse was that he merely relied on me to make things happen.

Well, fuck you, dude, I’m a girl. I wanted to be wanted a little bit. Yes, I can tolerate you farting in front of me as long as you tell me I’m beautiful and that you’d like my company on a lazy Friday afternoon. We ended because he’s the most slow-moving person but he makes me smile and sometimes makes me horny. I’ve dumped us into the category of Close Friends but there’s something there that will not go away.

Last week I suggested we eliminate the tension by having sex one last time but he told me stop my teasing, and after I awkwardly tried to straddle him in a purely joking manner and then felt his dick moving around I turned into a chicken shit and left.

I guess I always want sex to mean something. I am a girl after all.