class of 2012.

The pre-frosh are swarming. I wonder if I was as annoying as they are? I’m sure I wasn’t, I knew my place, but these little assholes have Pre-Frosh Complex.

Symptoms include laughing obscenely loud at a professor’s joke, obnoxiously leaning over a student to read a passage in a book that the class has almost finished, constantly raising your fucking hand, and referencing Vonnegut or Joyce as if no one has ever heard of these two “obscure” authors.

This blondie in my English class had a severe case of the Complex. She repeatedly joined into a discussion about a short story that she hadn’t read. I wanted to take her damn swivel chair and roll her out of the room. Every comment started with “Well, from what I’ve read…” Bitch, you read a paragraph! How can you glean anything from that? Obviously she couldn’t because her analysis was a bunch of verbal diarrhea.

Message to pre-frosh - all you’re supposed to do is visit a class, not participate every five minutes. No one gives a fuck if you’re intelligent so quit trying to prove it. You just look like an asshole and then no one will want to get you drunk that weekend.

Thank-you.

sex me, please.

In Human Evolution today we learned that bonobos have sex all day, every day, regardless of gender or age.

A male bonobo has found a new source of food? He celebrates by “penis fencing” with his hunting buddy. A female wants to solidify her relationship with her best friend? She rubs her genitals all over her. It takes them thirteen seconds to achieve orgasms, lucky little bastards.

During the lecture a guy in the class began blushing and then uncontrollably laughing. He couldn’t stop. He left the room twice.

I immediately pegged him as someone who’s never had a girlfriend because if the thought of animals mating to solve a conflict brings him to giggles he mustn’t ever had make-up sex, or as I like to call it, I know I’m right but you look so damn good when you’re yelling at me like that sex.

Hopefully I’ll be having that soon when me and Michael quit our aggressive ignoring. You know, the terrible glances at each other across the dining hall, speaking to everyone at the table except for each other. It can only end in nakedness and we both know it.