fuck my life.

Text to Ex [Monday]: Hi, Ben! I really miss you. Do you want to get together before break is over?

Ex Text [Monday]: Beth, I’ve been wanting to see you for awhile. I’ll call you up.

Ex Text [Tuesday]: By the way from your Facebook pictures I can see that you look really good. I like your short hair.

Text to Ex [Tuesday]: Thanks. Hopefully all that cafeteria food hasn’t ruined your abs

Ex Text [Tuesday]: No, they’re still here if you’d like to see them.

Text to Ex [Wednesday]: When do you want to meet up?

Ex Text [Wednesday]: Soon, soon.

Text to Ex [Wednesday]: Ok, I’ll talk to you later, BDF.

Ex Text [Thursday]: BDF? No, just plain Ben ——.

Text to Plain Ben [Thursday]: ….I thought you were my ex-boyfriend this whole time.

Plain Ben [Thursday]: Oh…

Plain Ben [Thursday]: Do you still want to hang out though?

Plain Ben is a creeper from college and has the same name as my ex. When he’s drunk he tells my friends that he imagines me naked. I have ruined my spring break. How could anyone be this dumb?

childish.

I haven’t been posting because there’s literally nothing to write about. All I’ve been doing is watching movies and trying to transport my body to New England.

I did go to “a cute little diner” with the Moms yesterday. “Cute” and “little” translates into cheap, low-quality food. To no surprise my mash potatoes were rocks, so my 2 year old niece and I were flinging them at each other.

I know, I need to grow up. I will in a couple of months.

olga.

One of the reasons why college kids look forward to vacations is the food. A few days before I left my friends couldn’t stop talking about the “Welcome Back” dinners their mothers were preparing.

I wasn’t able to contribute to the conversation because a home-cooked meal here means my brother and I standing over a pot of water, waiting for it to boil so we can throw our Ramen in. Sometimes if the Femme Mom is feeling domestic she’ll whip up an amazing meal, which just pisses everyone off because we know it’ll be another two week wait before we get the special food treatment again.

Unfortunately, the Femme Mom isn’t here so the Butch Mom has taken the reigns. That means handing each of us $20 for “whatever we’d like!” My sister has spent it on diapers for her daughter, my brother bought three packs of cigarettes, and my little sister got herself an iTunes card.

I “went crazy” at Wawa and got an unhealthy amount of sweets that proved to be a dire mistake. This morning I was jolted awake by shocking pains in my back molars. I looked in the mirror and saw the beginnings of a cavity or two, so I quickly made a dentist’s appointment.

I threw a big enough fit to have the office pencil me in for 10:00 a.m. Friday morning, and I learned that my dentist’s name is Olga who, the receptionist assured me, was “firm but nice.”A firm but nice dentist sounds like someone who will pull out my teeth with wrench but smile while doing it. In other words, I’m worried and might bail.

complaints.

My brother thinks I telepathically told him that I gave him permission to have my room. He keeps referring to it as his and asking me to not “muck it up.” No. I’m sorry if you taped up a few posters of naked women on my walls but that doesn’t make it yours. The Femme Mom usually settles sibling disputes like this but she’s in the south visiting her parents. Now it’s just me and my brother, dueling it out for the space.

I have the upperhand, I think, considering I’m a girl and need my personal space and The Femme Mom has missed me so much that she’ll bend to my every will. That’s manipulation and I’m scarily good at it.

Other news from the suburbs of Philly - my niece turned two yesterday. We had a quiet, little party with vanilla cake that was placed in the middle of the dining room table three hours before the celebration started. Naturally, all the frosting was picked off and the strawberry decoration half eaten by the time we sat down.

My sister was livid, of course, and we all confessed to “sampling” it so she’d pipe down, My older brother’s intentions were more sinister. “I wanted to sabotage her party, Elizabeth,” he said before cackling. She didn’t let him have any piñata candy.

There’s nothing for me to do for the rest of the week except live in Borders and buy useless stuff from Target. I’m counting day the days until I go back to college. The 30th is too far away.

almost there.

Only one more day, one more assignment, and one more class before I’m on my way back to the suburbs of Philly. I can’t wait to get off that Greyhound in North Philadelphia and be accosted and eye raped in the bus terminal.

There’s nothing like the cold stares of crack addicts to welcome me back.