may 1989 - april 2008

I have died. Exams and final papers have killed my poor, worthless soul.

second-hand embarassment.

Political Science Professor: Smaller, inferior nation states have a few tactics at their hands to balance power against the behemoth that is the United States. We are now seeing the rise of terrorism, so it’s no coincidence that terrorism is nicknamed “The Weapon of the Weak.”

Red-Haired Idiot [raises hand]: Do you mean Weapon of the W-E-A-K or Weapon of the W-E-E-K? Because I’ve always thought you meant Weapon of the W-E-E-K and if that’s the case…it’s been used longer than a week.

Beth Washington [whispering]: Are you fucking kidding me? Oh, I said that out loud didn’t I…

Sometimes I wonder how my college is able to maintain its top rating on USNews and Princeton Review when they admit dumbasses like this in.

cats and dogs.

Girls hug because we like that sense of comfort and security. According to Ryan, boys hug because “we like the way your boobs feel on our chests, like soft, squishy clouds.”

Male bloggers please confirm or deny this sentiment.

evil plans.

The college just sent out a campus-wide letter warning the student body - DO NOT GET THE PRE-FROSH DRUNK because drinking “is not the thing to do.” Well, of course it isn’t the only thing but in a town that proudly boasts an 8,000 member population and mountains for miles, drinking and actin’ a fool are usually the first resorts for fun.

That and streaking but I have yet to let my boobs flap in the wind. Maybe next year.

Since I opted out of hosting a pre-frosh because my dorm room floor is for towels and dirty clothes only not a stranger’s body, I won’t feel any obligation to pretend like there isn’t a big drinking culture here. I fully intend to feed alcohol to some little, unassuming 17 year old from Ohio. I will then force her to dance and/or be molested by a sex-starved jock at the toga party this Friday. Yes, I will have my fun playing puppet master and pouring water on their hungover faces the next morning.

And I will do it without having consumed a single drop of alcohol myself. I’m such a law-abiding angel, aren’t I?

boring thursdays.

Thanks to streaming porn I no longer have 200+ videos clogging up my computer. I take my victories where I can get ‘em.

Also, girls watching porn is apparently a strange phenomenon. This was confirmed at lunch today when I went off about the poor lighting in this one video that I was excited about because if I’m waiting twelve minutes for the damn thing to download I want to be able to see what’s going on. All I got were blank stares.

This also happened when I showed them a print out of two vibrators that I couldn’t decide between.

I truly wonder why my friends keep me around.